Torrespr's profile at MMA HQ

Tatami Takedown Crew Bomber Jacket

If tiger balm made clothes

9/9/2024 8:05:08 AM

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Inverted Gear Hybrid Gi

That Panda has a foot fetish

8/30/2024 11:45:09 PM

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Meerkatsu Heavenly Spats

Yesssss! Choke it harder! Is what i imagine the demon is saying to the cold dead fish of a lay that is that emotionless half asleep geisha….definitely been married for 5yrs and the root of why she unfairly blames him during couples therapy for his adulterous weekend romps with Satan

6/27/2024 9:29:54 AM

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Tatami Combat Club Hoodie - Black

I bought it last time, its badass, but heads up its snug like most tatami shirts. Its a fitted look

6/26/2024 8:51:09 AM

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Tatami "Grappling Supply"/ "Victory" 2pack tee

Why is Surfer Rayden doing a judo throw?

6/17/2024 2:07:04 PM

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Fuji Oni vs. Anaconda Short Sleeve Rash Guard - Red

Hellboy rashie

6/14/2024 9:12:48 AM

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Kitsune MK1 S/S Rashguard

Photo 1: that guy is the very definition of a Femenist, look at how he opens up for closed guard…equality at its finest, now I know it’s 2024

5/15/2024 9:59:06 AM

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Progress M6 Mark 6 BJJ Gi - Peach

Love this brand’s gi hate this color

4/30/2024 9:58:13 AM

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93brand "Standard Issue" Long Sleeve Rashguard 2pack

The left & right image swiping has me feeling like this is tindr. Hope she matches me back, oh the kimuras we could do!

4/29/2024 8:57:18 AM

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Future Kimonos V1.0 Rash Guard White

This is the Matrix 4 of t-shirts

4/19/2024 12:00:16 PM

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Fuji All Around BJJ Gi - Blue

“Tailor, craft me the most boring gi possible, use a hospital blanket dunked in Ty-D-Bol Toilet Bowl Cleaner as inspiration, and put a guy with an attempt at a beard looking bored in it”

4/11/2024 11:44:16 PM

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Tatami Takedowns Ain't Dead T-Shirt - White

What only 1 shirt?! I like to Ménage à trois with my shirt deals

3/23/2024 12:18:32 AM

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Phalanx "Winter Soldier" Long Sleeve Rash Guard

Feels like I’d be repping an anti-virus software company

3/12/2024 11:03:32 PM

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Venum ELITE Light Gi

Design makes me wish the 3 stooges did juijitsu so they can poke my eyes out

3/2/2024 9:07:49 AM

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Meerkatsu Laughing Hannya Kimono - White

This gi is like if Eeyore from winnie the pooh were a demon…why is he so sad?! I only buy happy demon GIs

3/1/2024 9:58:09 AM

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Wristlock Co. "Victory" Short Sleeve Rash Guard

Hate when biches try to wrist lock me it’s not tappable-worthy but it does hurts even after the match super annoying

2/25/2024 1:49:40 AM

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Kureiji "Foot Lock Klan" Rash Guard

Casey Jones drilling closed guard with a foot clan soldier distracted by April O’neil bringing home pizza before the ménage commences

2/13/2024 8:06:05 AM

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Future Kimonos V1.0 Rash Guard White

Helloooo nurse!

2/6/2024 6:03:46 PM

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Tatami "Hybrid Griffin" / "Need More Hugs" 2pack Tee

they finally listened and made a small logo on the front and a different big one on the back….yes, the badge is actually deserved this time “I bought this deal”

2/4/2024 11:54:30 AM

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93brand "Gold Label V3" Jiu Jitsu Gi

Feel like I’ve puked this color before

1/22/2024 9:15:09 AM

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93brand "Strike" Short Sleeve Rash Guard

Ed Hardy Rashie

1/8/2024 10:54:04 AM

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Aesthetic "The Girl" Rash Guard

The Roy Lichtenstein rashie

1/7/2024 9:00:46 AM

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Future Kimonos V1.0 Rash Guard Black

Matrix caca

1/2/2024 11:40:36 PM

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Kitsune MK1 Long-Sleeve Rashguard

The complete story by image number:
1: “No Charlie!”
2. “C’mon babe”
3. “I can never forgive you for this”
4. “In fact, I don’t! Headbutt attack!
5. “Cross punch!”
6. “Elbow to the sack!”
7. “Flying mid-air triangle!”
8. “Charlie’s dead body falls on me”
9. “I dont need a man”
10. Arms crossed confidence “no i never will need one again”
FIN (it’s a foreign film)

12/8/2023 12:52:54 PM

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Inverted Gear 2023 Board Shorts - Black

Looks like a tight ass tennis skirt

11/30/2023 8:59:01 AM

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93brand Vintage 2.0 Hoodie

Why do these brands pit a walking billboard design on the front superman style, this hoodie would be badass if they put the design on the back and a small logo on my left nipple to point me in the right direction for pinching and national antheming

11/28/2023 12:15:28 AM

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Armbar Soap Company - Random 5-PACK

Perfect timing, all my soap had run out, but not the shampoo bar, that thing is infinite, it’s still at 1/3 left after 4 bars of soap used up

11/27/2023 9:08:25 AM

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Tatami Recharge Pink Leopard Print Shorts (shorter inseam)

Like how these shorts let your opponent know that you’re clearly a bottom

11/8/2023 7:01:33 AM

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Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda

Brand: Inverted Gear
Color: Easter Bunny Puke

11/4/2023 8:02:38 AM

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Meerkatsu "Laser Beam Flying Jitsunicorn" Shorts

This design is so gender inclusive that they’ve excluded any female models

11/2/2023 10:16:35 AM

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Nation Athletic "Therapeutic Violence" Tee

I’ve never tapped someone out while standing but if it’s on this shirt it must be true

10/18/2023 2:53:52 PM

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Kitsune "Twin Dragon" Bag

This guy carrying a training mat along with his gi?

10/7/2023 7:25:09 AM

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Jitsy Club Arctic Digital Camo Shorts

They should rebrand to just “Jitz” like dunkin doughnuts did to dunkin

10/5/2023 8:10:09 AM

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93brand HOOKS V5 Jiu Jitsu Gi - Classic Blue

I never say no to an offer of 69

9/27/2023 11:24:50 PM

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BJJ Tees Random T-Shirt 2PACK

I was going to post a funny comment, but today’s offer is already a joke

9/22/2023 7:21:39 AM

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Tatami Takedown Crew Bomber Jacket

Trucker on the outside samurai on the inside

9/21/2023 8:52:33 AM

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Kitsune "Red Skies" BJJ Gi - Black

I just want to buy the backpack

9/17/2023 11:57:32 PM

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Tatami "Vortex" T-Shirt - Black

It’s like they’re not even trying anymore with graphic design

9/10/2023 11:14:15 AM

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Kitsune Bloom BJJ Gi - White

Just bought the A6, am I morbidly obese? No it’s worse than that, its for my doll i keep in my closet.

9/9/2023 9:41:20 AM

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"SPORTS" T-Shirts 2-PACK by BJJHQ

Only excuse for this is that his toddlers made it and he's trying to encourage them for a life of mediocrity and talentlessness

9/1/2023 9:24:20 AM

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29Niku "Less Thinking / More Action" Rash Guard

Think less = tap more

8/30/2023 12:23:44 PM

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Tatami "No Pain" Tee - Black

There should be a community shirt design contest it’ll be between buru nyuu guy, dongs guy, and soap guy

8/22/2023 10:08:02 AM

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Tatami Recharge Pink Leopard Print Shorts (shorter inseam)

Perfect for if Fred Flinstone came out

8/17/2023 12:49:27 AM

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Aesthetic "Alpha" BJJ Gi - Blemished

Not going to buy a dirty tranished gi, I want a clean white gi so I can roll around the floor and get it dirty and tarnished

8/14/2023 9:13:53 AM

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Ground Game Yokai 3.0 Spats

That sword is a little too close to the family jewels for my comfort

6/21/2023 12:00:17 AM

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Armbar Soap Company - Random 5-PACK

My free will crumbled and my credit card lept at the sight of bjj soap because of all the soap adoration in previous comments, so thanks to all you commenters if this is actually good, and if it’s garbage I hope all you soap lovers drop yours and get a rear-naked

5/28/2023 9:17:38 AM

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Phalanx "Speed" Rash Guard

If Nascar made bjj gear

5/27/2023 2:38:01 PM

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Tatami MTP Shorts Camo (Shorter Inseam)

You cant see my wanker

5/16/2023 11:07:54 AM

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Kitsune "Twin Dragon" Bag

Great for my katanas

5/15/2023 8:39:11 AM

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Tatami Model X - White

Trust no one

5/14/2023 9:19:39 AM

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Scramble Nostromo Long Sleeve Rashguard

If minority report did bjj

5/13/2023 8:01:05 AM

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Half Sumo X HQ Year of the Tiger Spats

The tiger stripe culture appropriation continues, hope he gets mauled by a bengal

5/11/2023 9:09:48 AM

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Scramble Combination Shorts - Black/Purple

If ninja turtles did bjj

5/7/2023 9:32:34 AM

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Phalanx "Ares Olive" Short Sleeve Rash

If anti-virus software made bjj gear

5/6/2023 8:36:34 AM

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Half Sumo X HQ Year of the Tiger LS Rashguard

Tiger is pissed about stripe culture appropriation

5/2/2023 8:44:23 AM

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"Pyjama Fight Club" Hoodie by Aesthetic

Now I can look like a tech startup founder that doesn’t know how to spell

4/30/2023 9:18:31 AM

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2-PACK Of BJJTees "Just Roll / Street Jiujitsu" T-Shirts

Where have I seen this before? Ah that’s right

4/28/2023 12:24:40 AM

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Phalanx "King Olive" RIZR Shorts

Designed specifically for JuiJitsu but somehow also for 4 other unrelated sports

4/26/2023 11:05:52 PM

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Meerkatsu "Manual" Rashguard

Where’s the IKEA logo?

4/25/2023 8:18:00 AM

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Phalanx "Rush" Long Sleeve Rashguard

If Daft Punk rolled

4/18/2023 8:46:08 AM

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Scramble Snake and Dove Tee - Black

Am I both the snake and the bird in this, and if so, am I choking my chicken?

4/15/2023 8:10:50 AM

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Kitsune "Bloom" Compression-Lined Shorts - Navy

You’re overlooking the time and effort for curation and all the user banter, in fact you sound like a bot for amazon, get outta her bot and your chatgpt gorlfriend too!

4/24/2023 8:10:34 AM

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Tatami Model X - White

All lies lead to truth

5/14/2023 9:22:30 AM

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Tatami Model X - White

The truth is out there

5/14/2023 9:23:28 AM

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Phalanx "Rush" Long Sleeve Rashguard

More songs (cause Im an unoriginal swiper that found it funny)

1. Black belt black schmelt
2. White belts have feelings too
3. Double-tappity tap
4. When am I gettin a stripe
5. Tape those fingers
6. Shrimp it, shrimp it good
7. They see me Rollin’
8. Choke em with my gi
9. Roll reversal
10. Turtle power

7/8/2023 8:59:29 AM

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Fuji "Dark Arts" Gi - White (HQ exclusive color)

Who can argue with a half nipple upskirt

7/18/2023 5:43:33 PM

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93brand "Construct" Convertible Gear Bag (Duffel/Backpack Hybrid) - Black

The armbar soap is good most foamy soap ive ever used and smells like bathing in the woods, my only issue is that it drys your skin which is fine except for armpits which chaffe. I supplement with a dove for that part.

8/16/2023 8:45:55 AM

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Kitsune "Red Skies" BJJ Gi - Black

It’s a ballsack dressed as a Wendy’s employee

9/17/2023 11:58:41 PM

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Phalanx "Sharp" Long Sleeve Rash Guard

Better than a Zenith

10/5/2023 11:33:26 PM

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Kitsune "Twin Dragon" Bag

What a tryhard, bet if Joe Rogan told ya to roll around the floor in pajamas with a dude that’s trying to cut off your oxygen supply you sound like you’d do that too

10/7/2023 7:29:24 AM

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Meerkatsu Bow & Arrow Choke T-Shirt

You must’ve missed the surprise riddler shirts

10/9/2023 9:23:06 AM

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Tatami Tanjun BJJ Gi - Black

Post photos if he pulls a publishing clearing house big check moment

10/10/2023 10:57:45 AM

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93brand Bad Grapplers Short Sleeve Rash Guard

Haha but seriously I’m a proud soap buyer and i’m down to my last bar (not the shampoo bar that thing never ends it’s only halfway when i’ve run through 3 bars of soap)

Bring back the soap!

10/17/2023 3:45:41 PM

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Aesthetic "Legacy" Short Sleeve Rash Guard

They should just crowd-source ideas from the comment section, it’d be a rashie with a dong on the front, buru nyuu everywhere it’s unwanted, bjj soap under the armpits, the logo just eye-gouging huge, a Canadian guy complaining about shipping on the bottom, and the must-have waistband, with not enough inventory for the large ppl so they have something to moan about

10/24/2023 11:02:58 AM

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Inverted Gear Starter BJJ Gi 2023 - White

The lack of comments with people saying they hate it

10/26/2023 11:12:47 PM

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Aesthetic The Alpha Kimono - Black/Gunmetal

Sounds like a case of blue gi balls

10/30/2023 9:20:48 AM

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Wristlock Co. "Victory" Short Sleeve Rash Guard

So would @Dlay comment be considered Roid Rage?

11/7/2023 11:14:46 AM

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Tatami Azure Dragon Rashguard

Like how everyone writes super witty remarks for 10 likes and this guy is getting 26 likes from 1 word, he’s like the vagabond panhandling on the street for change that makes more $ than the guy getting minimum wage at McDonalds

11/14/2023 10:10:17 AM

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93brand Vintage 2.0 Hoodie

Sounds like car juijitsu is up your alley, no joke it’s a thing, google is your friend

11/28/2023 12:16:12 AM

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93brand Pearl Weave Christmas Stocking

We should give you your own baby pictures so it’s a victimless crime

12/12/2023 7:29:40 AM

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Phalanx "Matrix" HPTX Shorts

Swing and a miss, “I know Juijitsu” might’ve gotten you 2 likes and 5 dislikes

2/7/2024 8:02:52 AM

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Tatami "Oni Eagle" / "Grappling Supply" 2pack Tee

bought the last tatamis because of the skeleton chocking out a panther asking for more hugs, but the eagle on this white shirt looks a tad too Hitlerish

2/15/2024 12:36:06 PM

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Tatami "Oni Eagle" / "Grappling Supply" 2pack Tee

Chocking (sic) = shocking choke

2/15/2024 12:38:52 PM

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Tatami "Oni Eagle" / "Grappling Supply" 2pack Tee

This is true but it’s not a negative if you lift weights (without steroids). Shirt is fitted on shoulders and biceps and zara-style like in waist.

2/15/2024 12:34:16 PM

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Tatami "Hybrid Griffin"/ "Need More Hugs" 2pack tee

I bought these last time when it was white and again this time when they were black…it’s like I’m passing you the cyanide myself. Fyi: these shirts run a size smaller so go up 1 or be ready to look like the cast of the jersy shore

2/27/2024 9:22:41 AM

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Tatami "Oni Eagle"/ "Born to Fight" 2pack tee

Yes bought the other 2 tatami deals but true on size have to go size up, these shirts are made for ppl without muscles. Skipped on this one though a skeleton rear naked choking a panther makes totally sense for bjj but 2 sumo wrestlers? Wtf?!

3/7/2024 9:15:10 AM

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93brand "Construct" Convertible Gear Bag (Duffel/Backpack Hybrid)

It’s like a copycat killer, cool for crime shows, not so cool having to face it when all I’m trying to do is get some discount soap

3/8/2024 9:02:05 AM

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Scramble Base-K BJJ Gi - Ninja Black

Puerto Rico, Guam, Samoa…they’ve only been waiting since 1898

3/18/2024 9:48:43 AM

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Kureiji "Jitslife" Short Sleeve Rash Guard

Sounds like you’re asking for a single leg X to heel hook by standing up…roll with a higher belt and see how easy it is to just stand up at will

3/19/2024 4:35:29 PM

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93brand "Construct" Convertible Gear Bag (Duffel/Backpack Hybrid) - Black

You dropped it

3/20/2024 11:10:22 PM

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Progress "Panther" Long Sleeve Rash Guard

Juijitsu has taught me to be efficient with my movement, why I’ve volton’d my bjjShampoo bar and bjjSoap bar. Hair and arms both covered with a flip of the wrist

3/25/2024 9:36:26 AM

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Kitsune "Cursive MK2" BJJ Gi - Black

When you think this place couldn’t get more erratic, here comes Confucious and he’s actually saying. Spill the tea, is HoLeeChit a filthy wrist-locker?

3/26/2024 10:04:11 AM

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Inverted Gear Panda 400 BJJ Gi - White

BJJGlobetrotters they do some crazy events like rent out a castle and train there

4/2/2024 11:39:16 AM

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Kitsune "Bloom" Compression-Lined Shorts - Navy

Feel like Arc Neco and Neco Arc are the same dude caught up in a fight club situation and he just felt like destroying something beautiful.

5/1/2024 8:24:03 AM

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Phalanx "Mecha Wars" Short Sleeve Rash Guard

Unless your name is Thanos…not cause that pic is a good depiction of the demi-god, but because he can snap his fingers and make this rashie disappear

5/5/2024 12:05:41 AM

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Phalanx "Premier" Short Sleeve Rash Guard

Spoken like a guy that buys soap online

5/11/2024 3:58:20 PM

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Kitsune "Bloom" Compression-Lined Shorts - Navy

Mayonnaise on burgers are a conspiracy

7/25/2024 8:18:47 AM

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Fuji Mat Rat Flex Lite Rash Guard - Black

At least you’ll have more time to roll now that you’ll be unemployed

8/2/2024 8:08:26 AM

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Scramble Athlete Pro BJJ Gi - Grey

Might be a square that took a knee

8/12/2024 9:54:04 AM

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Scramble Athlete Pro BJJ Gi - Navy

Half nipple man meant Granfather [sic] and Granpa [sic] if you’re a grammer tyrant, which also probably means you pull guard

8/26/2024 1:39:47 PM

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29Niku "Meathead" Short Sleeve Rash Guard

Definitely need to AD retarget this guy so he buys till he’s homeless

9/10/2024 10:17:27 AM

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Scramble "Standard Issue" Gi

Love that this site gives you a top influencer badge for writing dongs, bet you have a keyboard shortcut for it by now

10/28/2024 3:11:14 PM

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